The Art of Translation: Capturing the Essence Over the Form

It has been said that a translator is like "a sculptor who recreates the image of a painting through sculpture," a view that affirms the creative nature of translation work. Translation is a secondary creation by the translator based on their understanding and grasp of the original work, using another language. The translator must break free from the constraints of the original text, disrupt the order of the original sentence and the arrangement of its components, and then reconnect or reassemble them. As Yan Fu wrote in "Evolution and Ethics," one should first "internalize the spirit and logic of the entire text," and then "express it in writing."

This article will compare and appreciate two translations of a passage from "Moonlight over the Lotus Pond" to specifically explore the expressive effect of the translation concept known as "capturing the essence over the form."

Original Text: The moonlight, like water, quietly flows over these leaves and flowers. A thin blue mist rises from the lotus pond. The leaves and flowers seem to have been washed in milk; they are like a dream shrouded in a gauzy veil.

Translation One (by Wang Jiaosheng): Moonlight was flowing quietly like a stream down to the leaves and flowers. A light mist overspread the lotus pond. Leaf and flower seemed washed in milk.

Translation Two (by Zhu Sheshen): The moon sheds her liquid light silently over the leaves and flowers, which, in the floating transparency of a bluish haze from the pool, look as if they had just been bathed in milk, or like a dream wrapped in a gauzy hood.

In terms of sentence structure, Translation One aligns with the original text's hierarchical structure, maintaining formal consistency and translating the passage into three separate sentences. However, since the target readership of the English translation is English speakers, using short sentences according to the Chinese language habits of the original text will inevitably create a sense of awkwardness in the flow of the writing for English readers. The three sentences in the translation lack connecting words, resulting in a lack of coherence and fluidity, giving an overall impression of stiffness, as if merely piling up images without following the conventions of English usage.

Translation Two, however, remains faithful to the original text without being bound by its word order. It disrupts the order of the three short sentences in the original text, integrating them into one complex sentence, with "a thin blue mist rises from the lotus pond" translated as "in the floating transparency of a bluish haze from the pool," inserted into the entire clause, making the writing more fluid. It weaves the three separate elements from the original text into a closely-knit organic whole, ultimately achieving an effect where "the spirit is not scattered," indicating that the translator has fully understood and absorbed the content of the original text, rather than simply and rigidly piling up images from the original text.

In terms of word choice and sentence construction, Translation One attempts to convey the original information as faithfully as possible but ends up being rigid and literal, failing to fully and accurately express the author's core ideas. For example, the translator's use of "flow" to describe moonlight because of the metaphor of "flowing water" is not quite appropriate, as "flow" is more commonly used to describe the movement of liquids and gases, and it does not vividly and accurately convey the characteristics of moonlight that both pours like water and is quiet and beautiful. Additionally, the translation bluntly translates "washed" as "wash," lacking aesthetic appeal and not belonging to the artistic conception the author intends to express. In contrast, Translation Two is concise and elegant, with fresh and bright word choices. It is not bound by the form of the original text and makes significant adjustments to the sentence structure, making the meaning clearer and more precise. For instance, the translation renders "moonlight flows over..." as "The moon sheds her liquid light over," changing the subject to the moon, which makes the sentence more explicit and logical. Furthermore, instead of a direct translation, the phrase "as if they had just been bathed in milk" is translated as "bathed in milk," where the translator has captured the author's mood, elevating "wash" to "bathe," making the language beautiful and thus the artistic conception more exquisite.

Although translation is constrained by the original work, it cannot be merely confined to the surface language. It is essential to correctly handle the relationship between content and form, to explore the core ideas, and to understand the author's state of mind, in order to achieve the "capturing the essence over the form" that Mr. Qian Zhongshu spoke of.

◀️：Breaking Free from the Shackles of the Original Text in Translation

▶️：How to Conduct Research and Verification in Translation